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MyBlog
Thank you,
Izzy!
MyBlog
Thank you,
Izzy!
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| (By 22860, April 2012, Turtle) |
Introduction to Someone Who has no Clue
My name is Elizabeth (Izzy) Cottrell and I am a Psychology major with a minor in Enterprise Studies: I will be graduating in May 2018. My major is one of the best, I get to interact with people and get to know them. I have the honor to see into people's lives and help them improve their lives. The psychology department is one of the best and the professors really want to help and teach you. Last semester I took research with Dr. Fuenzalida and did a study over Tulsa Police Officers (which I am engaged to one). It was a cool experience to see how these officers are being trained to do the best and think on their feet effectively. Alongside with that, I took my capstone with her also and got to volunteer with the Youth and Family Center. This was my biggest accomplishment because I got to work with these kids and just have fun with them. It challenged me both spiritually and mentally, it made me look at the world a little differe...
Izzy, I read your story "The Magical Boy" and the author's notes and really enjoyed it! I liked how in the author's notes you said that you wanted to make the story more applicable to modern times. I think you definitely succeeded at that! You also did a good job of taking the original story and keeping the same morals and message attached to it. The boy in the story stayed true to his duties just like Rama did, despite them not always wanting to do so. One thing that I was curious about was how old is the boy? I think this would help to paint even more of a vivid picture. Also, why did the boy not tell his mother of the first dream? Lastly, I know that you said it is about mystery stories, but it might be nice to put on the main landing page of your project a little description about the project, since I was not sure what the project was about until reading the first story.
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy! I really like the picture you chose for your main cover page. The picture fades into the background really well to help your title stand out and become prominent. I would suggest adding a description of your website and what it is made for on your home page. You could also add a description of each story on the main page so that the readers know what they’re about to read and you could even add a cliffhanger to the description so that the reader is intrigued to read on to find out more about it. A link to your comment wall would also be helpful on the main page. I like how you rewrote your story with different characters and in a different scene but still kept true to the storyline and moral behind the story from the Ramayana. I would suggest adding dialogue between the boy and the mom rather than talking about it from a third person point of view.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your take on Thataka's story - I also wrote about her, and I love how differently we approached the same topic. I enjoyed reading about Liam. Even in that short little story, I got the sense that he was an empathetic being. He felt remorse for killing the leopard family, even though they were dangerous. This reminds me of the undertones of compassion in the Indian Epics - in the Ramayana, when Rama shot through the very old trees, it was not painted as a good or powerful thing by the narrator. The Indian Epics seem to value nature and life more than other cultures, and I think you've captured that with Liam. Thataka is such a powerful being, not just in her physical might but in the impression she leaves on the reader. I wonder if the story would benefit from distinguishing one of the villians as much as the Ramayana distinguished Thataka.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the picture here on the comments page. I really liked writing on Thataka's story. I liked the naming choice of Liam but I'm biased towards most things Irish (Gaelic). Your writing was very well done and I liked the picture of the jaguar. I liked the emotion that came over in your writing, which can cause a feeling of empathy in this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy. I just finished checking out your first project story. I wouldn't have guessed it was based on the Ramayana, but after reading your author's note I started to see the parallels. I thought it was interesting that you chose to place the main conflict of the story in dreams; because dreams are able to bend reality, you aren't constrained in any way. It's a very interesting approach to writing fiction from an epic, because you can set the story in the real world but still have fantasy. When I read the story, although I enjoyed the setting, I didn't feel concerned for Liam. I can imagine my most terrible nightmares and how I would feel if I had those nightmares every night, but I didn't feel that way while reading the story. I think adding some emphasis on the effects of Liam's nightmares would help pull the audience into the story. Your descriptions were very good and painted very vivid pictures. I wonder if you could make those descriptions more reflective of nightmares?
ReplyDeleteHey there Izzy. I just want to say that I thought that the layout of your website was great and the way it was so easy to navigate was nice as well. What if you had a paragraph introducing your audience to your story page though? That is just something to think about. For your story "The Magical Boy" I really enjoyed it and thought it was so easy to read and stay engaged in. I thought that your use of dreams was great and took a lot of creativity to do. Some may not like how different from the Ramayana it is, but I really like changing as much as I can to a story. It really shows that your went all out and tried to do everything you could to make the story your own. I could still make comparisons to the original as well, which is good! Anyway great job and keep up the good work on your stories to come.
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy great job with your story! The layout of your website is very user friendly friendly as well and I did not find it difficult to navigate at all. I really liked your creatively that you used to create this story. It made it a very interesting read and it made it almost impossible to tell that you were basing your story off of the Ramayana Indian Epic. The use of the sling shot is very impressive because it is similar to the bow that Rama had, but there was a completely backstory behind it. The use of the calming lotion and baths also gave more depth, and I really liked that. However, in your next story it would be interesting to see more of the details that are present in the original story. I didn't quite know what you were basing it off of before the authors note. Great job on your first story and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed the read and it was incredible to hear your side and see the creativity and uniqueness in the story you wrote. You really projected the characters in depth and with excellence. I appreciated the vivid imagery you used when telling of Liam in the story and how that all panned out. This story telling could have not been more similar to the Ramayana, yet with great detail of your own way of telling it and with great use of characters and details. The only thing I can think to add is just getting deeper in detail and drama with telling the story. You did a wonderful job at this, but we can always add more dramatic feel to a story, in my opinion! Thank you again for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work and have a great week 06 in the class!
ReplyDeleteHello Izzy. Your title "the mystery stories" was interesting and good at drawing people in. I like your picture of the leopard. I feel like your website is a little plain, especially the cover page. It would look a lot better with maybe some more pictures, an introduction, or maybe even just a color change. I liked your story a lot. It was a really creative take on the original. I like how you set it in modern day with a little kid. Your story was also very descriptive. This made the story much more light and happy. I did notice a few grammatical mistakes and weird sentences. Nothing major, but it would be worth reading few the story a few times to reword those parts. It seemed like maybe you skipped over a word in a few places. I am looking forward to seeing how the rest of your stories will fit in to you project.
ReplyDeleteHey Izzy! First off, I love the name you chose for your character. You also did a great job choosing a color scheme and images for your site. Everything looks well-polished and thought out. I don't know if you did this on purpose, but I think making your site title and your first story title both start with "The" gives your site a cohesive look. It might be good to try to make the rest of your stories start with "The" and even try to make all of them three words long. In the paragraph right below the dialogue between Liam and his mother, I would add the word "animals" after "fat." That way it matches the sentence before. The sentence that starts, "the leopard was built like a bodybuilder" was a little awkward. Maybe just describe the leopards muscles instead of using the comparison? I loved your story and thought it was so cute to see a little boy conquer his fears! Great work.
ReplyDeleteHey Izzy! I noticed that you have already published two of your stories. After reading both of them, I really enjoyed reading your author's note. Your reflections start with the summary of the original story. For me, I find it hard to give a summary because I want to tell the reader the reasoning behind me writing the story and what my story means. With that being said, it might be a good idea to expand your thoughts on your story. This might help the reader get an even bigger picture of your motives behind writing and choosing this epic.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, "The Young Couple" was such a fun read. I really liked the point in writing a letter in your story. This made the story develop in a more personal manner because it was a conversation between them. But, I thought it might have been too rushed in the way that he died. Maybe you could have added more backstory. But, overall good work!
Hi Izzy! Wow! Your first story, The Magical Boy was so good. The detail to the story was amazing and it was such a creative way to retell this story. I liked how the boy was scared at first but once he gained the courage, not only was he rewarded with not having nightmares, but also with weapons in his dreams. I also like how you brought a modern twist with the Bath and Body Works sleep lotion and bubble bath. I also like the simplicity of your website. It really allows the reader to focus on the stories themselves. Your second story, The Young Couple, was so good but so sad. I did not see Carl dieing! Poor Isabella. Again with this story you had really great detail. I also liked how you kept a modern theme with the retelling. This is a great way to keep the portfolio consistent. I also like how you kept the detail of love at first sight from the original story. Overall I did not find any errors with grammar and thought the stories were great. Overall great job and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy! I like that you’ve modernized this first story to be more relatable. I definitely had nightmares like this when I was a kid except I was being chased by a great white shark in a public swimming pool. I think you should have the mother explain why she thought the slingshot would help her son. Maybe you could include some dialogue of her explaining that he can use it to defend himself in his dreams. Also, Liam’s first dream seemed a little unclear. First, the leopard is chasing him, but then he is standing on a gravel mound and tries to load his slingshot without the leopard noticing. If it’s chasing him, how would he stop to do this? For your second story, I totally understand what you mean about Rama and Sita’s relationship being unhealthy. I think you did a good job of capturing the love at first sight and magical parts of Rama and Sita’s relationship. I wondered if you thought about making Carl’s deployment a sort of parallel to Sita’s banishment. Maybe Carl doesn’t die, but gets lost or taken hostage for a few years before making it back to Isabella and finding out about his children. This would be similar to what happened in the Ramayana.
ReplyDeleteHello Izzy!
ReplyDeleteThe visual elements of your story are wonderful! I was immediately drawn into your project. I also admire the way you modernized the retelling of Rama and Sita's relationship with the characters, Carl and Isabella.
In terms of feedforward, I think it would help if you included images central to the story, such as a picture of the characters or maybe a letter such as the one you mention in the story. Also, in the Author's Note, I would like to hear more about what inspired you to retell this story in the way you did? How does this story fit with the overall theme of your project?
Overall, great job! Your story is creative and I look forward to reading more.
Hey Izzy,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your stories! I have a suggestion for your website design though. I may be good to add a short introduction to let readers know if they are going to be reading a portfolio or a storybook. It may also help to add that on the main page so that the text can take up some of the white space on there and make it look nicer. I would also be curious to see if there was a way to fill up the white space that borders your stories on the left and right of the text. Maybe even throwing in a simple solid line from the top to bottom of the margins may help fill up that white space. I'm not sure exactly how to do. I think you can add extra elements in the design and have them border the main text. Finding an image may be hard though. Maybe you could create lines in Paint? Anyway, I thought your stories were very good! Great job!
Hey Izzy! It was really great to see your project website. It is coming together really nicely! I like the pictures that you have chosen and I like the overall layout as well. The only thing that I saw that might help your website a little better would be to add a short introduction on your home page so that the people looking at your website could have a better idea of what they are about to read.
ReplyDeleteOnto your stories. I think they are really good! I like the dialogue that you have in each of them. It really helped me connect with each of the characters. I also like how you added a letter excerpt in "The Young Couple". That was something that I had not seen but I really liked how it looked. Overall, your website is coming together quite nicely and your writing is spot on. Keep up the good work!!
Hello Izzy! I hope you are having a great day so far! I looked at your website and I really love the layout of it. The pictures are so vibrant and beautiful. One thing I would suggest is to include an introduction section to explain to your readers what your website is about and a brief overview of what the pages will include. Your stories are really good as well. I saw the dialogue and it seemed a bit like bullet points so one thing that can fix that is to integrate the dialogue into a paragraph form so that your story can flow together without seeming choppy. Also, your author's note can talk about your inspirations for creating your stories so that your readers can get a bit of background about your thoughts and ideas! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading some more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey Izzy! HI'm from the Myth and Folklore class and I think that your picture for this comment page is amazing. I think that your project looks great and coheasive as a whole. It kind of jumps straight into the stories with out any idea of what the project is going to be, so maybe adding a intro or description on the first page would be helpful. I think that your stories read well and that they work well individually. I think that your style in the stories is good but maybe your could have more than just the header image? Maybe an imagine a sidebar to add emphasis to a point or to really create a visual? I like the modern take on the stories and think that overall you're doing great! Hope to read more from you in the future.
ReplyDeleteIzzy, I enjoyed reading your project, the layout made it easy to navigate, and engaging as well. I think the simplicity of it really helps it flow. I really liked how you made the first story feel modern. This helped with relating to the characters and story as a whole. It makes you think what other underlying fears a character may have that go unexplored. I personally would have enjoyed knowing more about the scenery, and how the characters interact with their surroundings.
ReplyDeleteHi Izzy! Your story "The Young Couple" was great! It was so sad though! Why did Carl have to die? Especially without seeing his twins :( I wish he could've lived. I like how similar it was to Sita's story when she's exiled and how its switched to them growing up without a father. Turning him into a star was very creative! I'm curious about what would have happened if he lived though. Would they have lived happily or would things be different since he had come back from war? I noticed in the first paragraph there was a mistake though. You described what Isabella was wearing and added an extra "with"
ReplyDelete"She was wearing a cute with tank top with..."
I think you could even shorten the sentence by saying
"She word a cute tank top with..."
but that's only if you want your looking to make the story less wordy.
Hello Izzy! I really enjoyed reading through your project. The color scheme and imagery in your project is very warm and soothing, it all fit together very nicely. I think it is interesting in your first story that Rama struggles with the idea of killing a woman, despite the fact that she is a monster. One of the first things that Krishna killed when he was a baby was a female demoness, so I think that that is an interesting parallel considering the fact that these are stories from the same culture. I also liked your retelling of the Rama and Sita love story. It has a different kind of emotional impact when you make the characters have a healthy relationship.
ReplyDelete